I guess being a quarter of a century old gives me a right to share some of my personal ‘wisdom' with you. Here you'll find just a couple of quick thoughts about things I have learnt in the past 25 years. I really enjoyed writing this piece and I am hoping some of you will find it to be useful. I personally find that sometimes a sentence or a thought can change my perspectives by whooping 180 degrees. By no means am I a life coach or a guru - just someone who has a lot on their mind and likes to share it. So, without further ado, let’s do this:
Be your most authentic self
No matter what you do, always be yourself - authenticity is absolutely key. I think this is one of the most important things in life, because when you are yourself, people really notice it and find it to be a sign of character. It is the one thing that no one can take away from you and you, yourself, can carefully cultivate in the right direction. Blending in or shifting your opinions with various fashions makes you loose character and only undermines your value system. Don't try to hide your flaws or assets, embrace who you are - you're unique, because of who you really are as a person - not who you hide.
People come and go (cliche one)
This is something that definitely takes time to realise, because time is what's necessary to see it happen. As it's only by passage of time we meet various individuals and see them weave in and out of our lives. What I've learnt from this phenomenon, is that it doesn't need to be seen as a negative occurrence but rather as an inevitable aspect of life. Various life situations may place certain persons into our routine and we should embrace it when it happens, in the same way as it commences to when it ends. We give and take in life but most importantly be gift - ideologies, thoughts, opinions - our ways of looking at the world. That's what precious and we should cherish these like treasures.
Different friendships or relationships will always be different
Coming from a person who moved around a lot and had to establish new friendships fairly quickly, this may seem like a super obvious realisation, however a couple of years back, it wasn't. As an extremely open person I believed that every friendship I hold should attain to a certain ‘we are family’ standard - naturally it wasn't. We are all very different - introvert or extrovert, we won't behave all them same. My perfectionist tendencies definitely didn't help either, as I set standards that just were not attainable. Concluding, each friendship is different as is each relationship. It's impossible to cross compare - we bond in various levels over different things and that's what makes it all that much more exciting.
Don’t let people define you, define yourself
Don't - if you see something you don't like, step away from it. It doesn't make you a coward, it makes you brave. You realise what you want or don't - that's what's called growing up (mentally). Find individuals who inspire you and let you develop in the direction you see yourself taking. Define yourself and find people who define themselves in a similar fashion and you'll be truly happy.
Change is inevitable but it’s good
‘You never step in the same river twice’ - Heraclitus preached and he wasn’t wrong. We change everyday in so many ways: mentally, physically, ideologically to name a few. Our mind tends to associate change as something negative but I believe that change is beautiful. The idea that we can become different is exciting and even though melancholy may enter us when we think that certain people in our lives have changed, it should only be transient. Give into change and it will all be ok.
Family is key
After years of arguing with the family be it brothers, sisters, uncles - I’ve come to realise, they are the absolute key. If you are lucky enough to have the wonderful support that family can provide, appreciate and embrace it. Whether it’s visiting your grandparents or doing more things with your sister or brother - it’s important to stay connected. The world can be a scary place and for them to have your back, really means a lot. If you haven’t spoken to someone in years, just do it. Pride means nothing, family everything.
Don’t take yourself too seriously
Honestly - have fun with your life, step back and enjoy it. Coming from a person who genuinely loves making fun of herself I know it’s easy but it’s great as it really makes you relax! Be serious when you need to be and don’t try and cover with a cold front - it’s so much easier to let it all out with a laugh. I’m telling you, it works wonders.
Home is - where you are your true self
After looking back at my life and analysing where my idea of ‘home’ is. I’ve come to some personal conclusions. I’ve lived in a couple of countries and my traveller nature doesn’t make me feel like I have a firm place I would call home - with the ease of todays travel, why should I? Naturally home is where love is and where your closest ones can gather in natural harmony. However, I believe that I find myself at home in places where I know I am 100% myself whether it’s on a deserted beach or in an apartament in the city - it’s where I feel fulfilled and at peace. I think the real goal is to make the whole world feel like home - so that you're always being yourself, no matter where you are on Earth.
Less is more
The cosumptionist nature of todays world makes it extremely hard to avoid spending our cash on unnecessary things. If you can, why not - there is a lot of beautiful things ranging from homeware to sneakers. It’s so hard to resist, I am definitely guilty here. However, after reading a lot about Japanese culture I’ve come to see how so many things are not really needed. We give or throw away whilst our planet suffers. Next time you want to buy something - walk away and think: do I really need it? Invest in less things but in things that last, even if it makes spending a little more. Minimalism is timeless and quality never goes of out fashion - quantity does.
Good to analyse, bad to overthink
In life there is thousands of situations upon which we reflect - whether it’s a finished relationship or a bad exam grade - we love to think. That’s absolutely great and even essential, however try and avoid going down the hole of overthought. It will only make the situation appear way worse and instead of reaching productive conclusions you’ll end up feeling terrible. Analyse with reason and do not overthink with emotion!
(Most) Things can be overcome
Faith and belief are not only the pillars of many religions, they are the fundamentals of life and it’s good to apply those to everything we do. It makes things appear more possible and even though in the moment the goal seems out of hand, slowly working towards it, is what will make it happen. Though often overlooked, a lot of empirical things base in a 'leap of faith.' The power of the mind is super strong and do not underestimate it. Positive thinking equals better things and you can make most things happen yourself, if you put your whole mind to it.
Your psyche is everything
I’m super happy to see how psychological health is becoming more and more popular in the media. As a medical student after carrying out my psychiatry rotation, I became so aware just how important mental health is. Social media and other factors makes us forget that feeling sad or bad is normal - when it is! Mindfulness, hygge - it’s all in - whether it’s taking 20 minutes out of your day to mediate and reflect- be good to yourself and take time to take care of your mind. It is your everything! What more support during your down times is key - surround yourself with positive people who will bring you up, avoid individuals who will take you down. Just because the current group of people doesn’t make you feel fulfilled doesn’t mean others will not either.
You don’t have to choose one thing in life
This is definitely something I feel very strong about, especially because it is something I really try to embrace in my life. Yes, I am just about to graduate with a medical degree but in no way do I wish to stop following my other passions - I am going to embrace them even more. Even though I spent the last 6 years at med school I have always continued to explore my other interests such as blogging, travelling, photography, videography, music or design. It’s ok to have a lot of different interests - the key is to find something that allows you to follow them along without too many sacrifices. Naturally it’s not possible to do everything - but it’s definitely possible to do more than one thing.
Don’t follow the crowd
I guess it’s embedded within our survival nature - ‘fitting in’. In some situations it’s perfectly normal - no one’s going to go into a board meeting in a bikini. However the longer I am on this planet I really see how standing out is the best (not in the bikini case). Being different is great and that’s what makes interacting with other human beings so fascinating - our differences. In the end this links up with the idea of authenticity. If you’re yourself, you’ll follow yourself and not the crowd.
Don’t let your passions go
I’ve always held it against my parents that they didn’t make me stick to one discipline from a young age: with multiple language courses, piano lessons, ballet, tennis - you name it, I tried it. However, looking back now, I’m super grateful and I guess that’s why I like so many things! (Still, pretty let down by fact no one put in me on a surfboard age 5 haha) I guess this collage of activities came to define me and whenever I can, I try to follow my passions. Right now, I am hooked on design and I try to learn more about it as the days go by - it feels great! Don't let your passions go, multiply and grow them - alternatively find new ones.
Rituals are key
Literally this is so simple to say but so golden. The little things we do, the choices we make - they are our rituals. They help our brain make sense of our day and determine our path in life. If you do 20 minutes of yoga every morning, you’ll definitely see a change in a month or two. By cutting out crisps and junk out of your routine, you’ll start noticing the difference too. That is the magic of rituals - little by little but they make a big difference over time and transform the bigger picture.
Patience is an underrated quality
..and something I definitely lack. I guess that must be why I love surfing and yoga - they teach me to be more calm and collected. With a million thoughts per minute our (or at least mine) minds are in constant over drive. Patience is difficult but such a rewarding of ‘virtues’ - train it and you will only see how it will benefit you.
Cut people slack
Do you remember the super rude waiter or that work colleague who never smiles back? These behaviours can definitely be put under bad manners - but how much do you actually know about the life situation of these individuals? Don’t take things super personally, some people really do certain things absolutely unintentionally. Cut them the slack and don’t judge them. Just smile and carry on with your day as they might be having one a million times worse than you. Instead, maybe ask if everything’s alright - a couple of positive words, can really go a long way.
Health and earth
With the planet and the environment being a hot topic of the moment, I couldn’t give this one amiss. People littering in the oceans or polluting our earth with toxic smog - this is bad! Being aware of your own health as well as that of the whole planet is ever so crucial. Try to live sustainably, taking your own bag to the supermarket makes a difference as does recycling. It’s another example of a ritual - it matters! Exercise your body and mind - stay healthy and take care of our wonderful Earth.
Will = Way
It’s a great saying and I love it mainly because I found it to be so true on so many occasions. At the end of the day if someone wants to do something for you, they will. Sometimes the circumstances may not be favouring and almost discouraging. So what, I believe that just raises the bar higher and tests someones character in an even better fashion - be it that of a friend, family member or your other half. Adopt the same maxim to your own life and seek the same in return. Those who really care to be somewhere will always make it and those who don’t, didn't deserve to be there in the first place. Simple.
Some people are just not for you
With billions of people populating the Earth, the choice is pretty endless. With so many different interlinking personalities there is definitely a crowd for you. Don’t try to ‘force’ friendships or relationships - these should feel effortless and natural. Find your passion and you’ll find others just like you - that is how I see it. Even if it means going to a concert or an event alone - be brave! You’ll meet others who share your interests and you’ll expand your social circle.
Support others in their successes
I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people who are doing well and I’m super happy for them. Whether it’s a startup owner or a blogger I am so glad to see people my age doing well in their area of expertise - it’s inspiring and refreshing. I never understood ‘hateration’ - it’s unconstructive and stalling - for the person doing it and unpleasant for the individual that receives it. Be happy for others - it will make you and them feel better!
Knowledge is the best, never stop learning
I know that some career choices don’t require ‘uni’- as many preach. Nevertheless, I have never seen a case where furthering your understanding of the world and learning something new was deemed as bad. If you have the opportunity (with internet I guess we all do) always learn - knowledge is the only thing no one can take away from you. Whether it’s a new language, a specific uni course or a new skill, keep exploring the frontiers for new knowledge.
Travel, but travel right
Social media has definitely put a lot of pressure on travelling and with the rise of digital nomadism (to an intense extreme) if you don’t travel, then do you really exist? As much as I love apps like instagram I feel that this powerful movement has created a race against time and the pressure of travelling and seeing as many places as possible definitely reached a new height. In my opinion, travelling shouldn’t be about ticking things of the list and fitting as many places into your trip. For me, it’s about immersing yourself in a different culture, transiently becoming a part of it and taking away valuable lessons that help shape my world view. That is what I think should count and not the ‘must have’ photo. Take your time with your travels. It definitely feels that the world is getting smaller and as a global citizen you’ll have plenty of chances to explore our planet, in the right way.
There is no expiry dates for things in life
25 and just starting university or maybe you just finished but still haven’t got a clue what you want to do in life? It’s OK! We are all individuals in our own right, we may take time and that’s completely alright. Even though society has certain ways of telling us what to do when in our lives - it’s ok to take a year out, just like it is ok to start a second degree that had nothing to do with your first one. There is no expiry dates. It may take a day or it may take a year - just do what feels right for YOU.
In the photos I am wearing a puffa jacket by my favourite FEMI STORIES, hat by VANS and sunglasses by SAINT LAURENT
